So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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