U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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