At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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