I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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