bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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