got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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