oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
