So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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