i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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