I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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