I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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