I just threw up on my dentist
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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