I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
