I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
