bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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