Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
