what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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