Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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