she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
