Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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