i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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