someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
