She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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