There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
