I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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