my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
