Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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