my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
