My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
