So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
