I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
