He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
