dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
