it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
