Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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