Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
