Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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