Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
