so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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