i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
