Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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