I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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