For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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