he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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