I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
