im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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