PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
