There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
