We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
