It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
