we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
