I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
