I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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