i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
