The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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