I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was CRYING into my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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