Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
