We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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