my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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