I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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