So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
