How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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