If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
