What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
