did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
