Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
