I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
