I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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