you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
