if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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