I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
