no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
