So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
