She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
