Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
