i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
