I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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