Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
