Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
