Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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