my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
