Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
