it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
