Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
