He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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