Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
